One day at Sabino Canyon,

after slugging down Sloe Gin,

my boyfriend and his buddies

had a frog swallowing contest.

After that, they hid behind some rocks

and snatched  the tops off our bikinis

as we slid down the waterfalls.

The boys thought that was really bitchin’,

but they puked afterwards.

 When Sally Stein’s folks went to Chicago,

(we all knew they were Jewish and in the mafia)

she had a kegger at her house.

 It was so bitchin’.

Kids reeling drunk dove off the roof into the pool.

Someone careened into the plate glass window

which exploded into bloody shards.

 Candy Roberts also had a kegger at her house.

Her folks had gone to the Bahamas.

(They weren’t Jews or in the mafia)

Her dad was a dentist.

 That shindig was a blast!

Everyone got sloshed, made out, and passed out

 Candy went “all the way” that night.

Most of the rest of us kept our cherries.

However, Candy got PG.

Her boyfriend was the only Chinese kid in our school.

He didn’t have an accent or anything.

His folks owned a Chinese restaurant.

They didn’t approve of Caucasian girls dating their son.

Much less…

 Candy had an abortion

I’d never known anybody who did that

It wasn’t so bitchin’.

 One night the gang drove down to Nogales and got wasted.

Those beaner bartenders didn’t care how old we were.

TEQUILA!

 The drive back was harrowing,

only I don’t think anyone felt scared.

There were no seatbelts back then,

and designated drivers, who heard of that?

 There was this one guy in our gang we called Frog

because he was so homely, ugly really.

He had a great personality though, really cool,

And girls liked him.

Everyone liked him.

 But he died in a car crash.

He and his best buddy had just had a blast at a kegger.

 After the funeral,

things weren’t so bitchin’ for a while.

A short while.